Tears from a Stranger

I see this same women, day after day at the park when I come to drop off D'Angelo & Adalina at the Parks & Rec - After School Program.  This mom is a reflection of who I was a few short years ago: frantically coping with her perseverating autistic child in public, no time to look up, worry and sadness on her face, but a determination that is unwaving...this is a MOTHER OF AN AUTISTIC CHILD. It is uncanny, I can spot 'em a mile away, as if I'm looking at my past and my present all in the looking glass. It is surreal, really. Like being in an Autism Matrix of sorts. I've wanted to reach out to her, to tell her she's not alone, but who am I to approach a stranger, a mother with her child, assuming he has autism - what if he doesn't, I ask myself?  As if I am trying to kid myself!  Of course he has autism, it's clear. I still hesitate, week after week I see them there on the playground, and week after week, I don't approach. What's my friggin deal?!, I ask myself.  So, Divine Guidance decides for me. I walk onto the playground, smack dab next to her today, and we start small talk. And as if God was saying "Leanna, you needed my help to be guided to her, here you go...", she opens up her mouth and says without hesitation, "my son as autism". I about nearly fell off the park bench. I have never had a mother tell me within a couple minutes of meeting me that their child has autism. "Ok, God, I get it, I see you want me to help her!  Thank you!"  Small talk continues, I share with her that D'Angelo and Adalina have been diagnosed and they were once where he son is now: a state of inconsolable obsession with something he has been told he cannot have, and his tantrums overpower the playground.  I proceed to ask her questions, and share with her my own experiences with Early Intervention and how it helped our little ones function in public, and she is clearly lost in the confusion of the maze of this disorder and all that she has to do to seek help for little Andrew. I tell her that I am here to help her, that I also serve on the Board of Autism in Long Beach, and she begins to cry. A cry only a fellow mother of a child with autism can understand. You see, it's the type of desperation cry us special needs parents seem to display, where our eyes seek help, seek an answer, seek a way out of this unforeseen hell of a circumstance we have unwillingly been thrust upon.  It's a desperation cry, through a look of exhaustion. It's a look I know well, a cry I have cried many a time.  I instantly and instinctually pull this woman, this stranger to me, hugging her, holding her heart close to mine, as if in silence to tell her everything will be ok, I promise.  She looks at me, as if God had placed an Angel in her path, she expresses such. "Let's talk more", I share over Andrew's tantrum screams, "when you get home, and you have a moment to think." She greatfully agrees, asks me for my number, and then my name. At the moment I give her my name, she looks up in amazement, and smiles and says, "my name is LeAnn". "ha, I'm Leanna", I reconfirm. And we chuckle in that "ah ha moment" sort of way.  Ok God, we get it!   Just as I'm about to leave, her son Andrew walks straight up to me, (mind you, he has been tantruming non-stop since we've been there), I bend down to him, he huddles under me like a little lost lamb, puts his arms around me and silently says a non-verbal four year old autistic 'thank you', with purely his energy.LeAnn gasped at the sight, and exclaimed, "oh my gosh, that was amazing". 
Use me God, for I will help whomever, whenever you see fit for me to do so!  God is SO good!

It Takes A Village - help a Mother Out, Already!

Your Kids Have Autism?...Really?

This question has come up in more than one conversation recently, so maybe it's time to chat about it.  When you look at our two little ones, at first encounter, one doesn't think they have observed anything out of the ordinary. They say, "oh, I just thought they were shy (or bad mannered, if they're having a bad day or hour or minute, what have you).  I have gotten into unexpected verbal altercations with other moms at the park or in the supermarket (more on that 'episode' later...ha!), because of this misjudgement by the public, at large.  This is probably much more difficult to navigate, as a mother dealing with public interaction with our children, then say, a child that is clearly disabled, what have you, all because, we, as humans, go on 'first impressions'.  When we don't visually see anything that shows a child is 'special needs', then we just assume that the parents have not taught the child manners or something of that nature. It's up to us, as a society to be open, and tolerant to all situations, especially in children.  I have embraced the misconceptions, by others, and it's my job to share, to relate, to educate and pass on what I have learned myself.  It's a big job, and I take it fully to heart, because I never know what I have opened up my heart to share, will have an impact on someone in the future, that I may never meet.

Our 3rd Child is Our 1st

Ok, so I know it may seem odd, but we never had a normal parenthood, I wasn't the Mommy who experienced those "normal" infant milestones.  Our 3rd child comes along 11 months ago, we call him Jaden, and he has given us a gift, as much as D'Angelo & Adalina's gift of Autism has been to us.  Polar opposite experiences, with amazing insights on both ranges of child development.  What was it like to have a child wave bye bye, to clap at 10 months and mumble the words, cla, clap.  Miguel (my husband) & I were cracking up last night because Jaden was blabbling on and talking to D'Angelo, and D'Angelo was cracking up...you know, that infectious child laughter. It was as if they met, soul to soul, no words needed, just babble!  It was at that moment that Miguel & I acknowledged that this was the 1st time we have experienced what a "regular developing" (whatever THAT is) infant is like. Miguel confirmed, "yeah, you think D'Angelo & Adalina are hard, ha!, watch out, Jaden is the one we gotta watch out for!"  And we laugh, we bonded over our amazing journey together.  Jaden has shown us.  I know it may seem simple, but when you didn't experience this with your first two, at this age, well it's an awakening.  But let's hold up here: on the flip, and in reflection: why is it so important to us, as parents, to connect with our children on these simple, yet profound reflections of ourselves.  That's the lesson. You see, with Autism, our children on 'the Autism spectrum", don't always give us those milestones, at what is thought to be the 'normal' developmental stages.  And we are left to think, what's wrong?  I'll tell you what: what's REALLY wrong is that we can't relate, so that leaves us to question ourselves, thinking it's about us, because boo hoo, our autistic child won't look us in the eyes, won't communicate their feelings in words. I say...get over it, take action, look within.  Life doesn't ever give us anything we can't take.  Come on, let's be honest here: we pride ourselves in our children, for whatever selfish reasons.  Maybe it's time to look at our children as a gift to the world, not for our own selfish pride.  As so many times, when there is an Autistic meltdown in the middle of a public place, I know I have become self conscious, due to my two autistic children.  I'm over being this way, as I learned through my spirtual teachings: you can only control your response to circumstance, you cannot control others reactions to that circumstance.  So, thank you, Mr. Jaden for your gifts, and for reminding me that it's not about me. 

It's Your Turn.
What do you think?  Do parents have the right to claim pride in their child? Do think it's self-promoting?
Please do share your opinion in the comments box below.

The Book - a Preview

Open publication - Free publishing - More autism

SSI - yet more paperwork!

ADALINA LUNA. We left the State Ordered SSI - "Mental Exam" (IQ test - for short) for Adalina today with a feeling that these "standardized" tests to determine whether or not our daughter has been formally diagnosed correctly, is just another means to "try" to make me feel like my daughter is below average. I sat there watching this psychologist ask my four year old Moon Angel, question after question, holding back my tears! OK...go ahead, try to assess her as "Below Average" for her age. The State couldn't see in the original IEP reports that she has Autism and that she's in special education, receiving daily assistance from her Special Ed TEAM of teachers and experts?! What in the reports make you need to refer us to "your" state approved doctors? Her teachers tell me she is amazing and progressing beyond belief, and that she is a wonderful little girl! I should be so proud! Fine, I'll go through the "motions", if that's what they need, in order to get Adalina the help and support she needs.