And I observed D’Angelo today is his classroom setting and walked with him to the cafeteria. We were doing fine until he headed to sit down, and bypassed his class and sat at the end table, but himself, back to the rest of the cafeteria (see photos above). I had seen him do this before when I picked him up from school a couple months ago, but now his behavior displayed 'routine', as he is was told to sit there, day after day. I trusted his aides, to keep him socializing, NOT to have him sit by himself day after day in the lunchroom, his back to his peers, as if he was being punished. He was conditioned to think it was normal now. I was in shock, and even typing this now – I am beyond hurt. This is exactly why writing my memoir
"The Year Autism Kidnapped Me" has taken over two years, because every time I write, I’m brought back to a pain, a mirror to my life, to the instability in the everyday emotions that ensues. Should I trust the teachers, or if I speak up, will I be the “over-zealous” parent who always causes trouble. I don’t want to be “that” person, but I fear I might. It’s times like these that teach us. Teach us how to become empowered. You see, it is one day before the end of the school year, and just now did I decided and take the time to schedule to go observe him in the classroom. And an email ensues (all names have been changed)…
Date: June 15, 2012
Re: IBI services
From: Ms. ABC
To: lana, lrodgers, mary
Good Morning Mrs. Rodgers, Lana and Mary,
I spoke with you, Mrs. Rodgers, this morning and you expressed concern about D'Angelo being removed from the group during lunch and put at a table by himself. I did not know that my aide was using punishment and had reminded her to use the proactive strategies that we have in place; there is a seating chart for the lunch table AND we have crayons and books for D'Angelo to use when he is done eating.
I want the ESY team to be aware of your concerns Mrs. Rodgers, and to know that there are positive strategies in place that DO work for D'Angelo during lunch time (seating chart and preferred items-books and crayons)
Mrs. Rodgers, you asked that we hold an IEP addendum to increase IBI services, however; at this time D'Angelo's services reflect his least restrictive environment,and I don't recommend increasing his IBI services to compensate for one adult's bad choice of consequences. With the preferred seating and preferred items (books/crayons) D'Angelo exhibits appropriate behaviors during lunch time.
Mary and Lana, you two can look at the structure of the ESY day and decide when his IBI services should be implemented. And I'm sure the aides will be told (reminded if they are the same ones that I have in the classroom) to implement these strategies.
I hope ESY is successful for all of you. And wish you all a happy summer.
Thanks,
Ms. ABC
[Reply to all]
Email: June 15, 2012
Re: IBI services
From: Ms. ABC
To: msabc, lana, mary
Thank you for the detailed outline, Ms. ABC. I know you have D'Angelo's learning and care in your best interest as has always been evident, and I do agree that one aides bad choice (without your approval nor knowledge) in consequence for D'Angelo is in no way reflective of how you operate your positive and proactive approach to his Learning and Education.
Do not be surprised if I take this to Administration, as they should have never left you for one day without a replacement aide, so proper coverage could be continued.
In the future, I would like to request that if something is observed from one of the aides in their approach towards D'Angelo (no matter how minut) that it is brought to my attention and/or Ms ABC's attention (or the ESY teacher this summer). I trust Ms. ABC as my extension when D'Angelo is out of my direct supervision.
This will ensure this never happens again, because as a mother to witness this on the last two days of school was devastating to me. I am still shaken up by it, even so much as to try and hold back my tears while in the cafeteria yesterday.
I agree with Ms. ABC: Mary and Lana, please do advise on how best to split D'Angelo's IBI services for ESY and to remind the aides where necessary.
From my heart, I appreciate everyones care for D'Angelo. It does not go unnoticed.
Kind Regards and Thank You,
-) Leanna
This is my teacher, my lesson. To listen to my gut and show up sooner, become more involved, not just trust that things are going as I think they are. To observe, to speak up, to hold others accountable for what they are teaching our children. I think because I am “just the parent”, that they “must know” more about teaching my child, then I do. Let me tell you, when motherly instinct comes into the equation, that is all the teacher I need. And when it comes to these two children – they teach me more than I can handle – 80% of the time. I’m taught to love, when all I want to do is ring their necks. I’m taught to be patient, when I want to rush through the moment. I’m taught to use my imagination, when I just want to cut to the chase. I’m taught to relax, when all I want to do it let my ego stay untight. I’m taught to remain fluid to the situations at hand, when I just want to become a lump of coal. D’Angelo and Adalina, and any child on the autism spectrum, teach us to be accepting, to love, to support, to understand, to open our eyes, to protect, and to know that through the challenges - it is the best teacher.
Synopsis:
I’ve been a little (no, A LOT!) ticked off – hurt, angry. Even through this pain, I feel empowered, as though God had it in his plan all along. When does the hurt and anger turn to resolve for you, and do you see it as a part of the bigger plan for you and your life?
